誰是罪人? (約翰福音 8:1-11)

係約翰福音第八章1-11節記載左一個咁既故事.

耶穌去到聖殿, 班文士同法利賽人想試佢, 想揾機會同藉口入佢罪, 就帶左一個淫婦黎, 呢個淫婦仲要係俾人捉奸在床, 斷正嗰種. 佢地問耶穌, 摩西定落黎既法則吩咐我地用石頭打死呢個淫婦, 你話應該點處置佢呢?  耶穌無理佢地, 彎身係地下用手指寫字. 佢地見耶穌唔答, 就不停追問, 耶穌企返起身, 同佢地講, 你地邊個覺得自己無做錯過野, 係無罪既, 你地邊個咪首先攞舊石頭去掟佢囉. 然後又彎低身, 繼續係地下寫字. 嗰班人聽完個答案, 由老至少, 一個一個咁行返出去, 直到最後得番耶穌同嗰個女人. 耶穌起番身, 同佢講, 嗰啲人呢? 無人定你罪咩? 佢話: 主呀, 無. 耶穌話: 咁我都唔定你罪, 你走啦, 以後唔好再犯啦.

呢個係一個耳熟能詳既故仔, 好出名, 好多人聽過. 我記得好耐之前睇黃子華棟篤笑, 佢都引用過. 但係聖經既有趣之處就係, 你唔同既時間睇都會有唔同既領悟, 就好似睇金庸啲小說咁.

呢段故仔我最鐘意既地方係個男主角好有型, 擺明嗰班人就走黎跣你, 裝你入局, 佢睇穿哂都唔止, 仲要唔睬佢地, 彎低身係地下畫字, 真係型到爆. 嗰班友仲要唔識死, 仲要追問喎, 自己”瘀”左都唔知, 真係蠢到呢唔知點講好. 耶穌淨係講左一句, 全部都收聲死返出去, 型到震. 咁dramatic既故仔, 咁好既台詞, 難怪留存千古.

呢個故仔最多人討論既point係, 你地邊個無罪就掟死佢/定佢罪. 我地邊個無罪, 個個日日都犯罪, 你認同唔認都好, 你知或唔知都好, 你扮知或扮無知都好. 罪唔係講你根據大英律例或者基本法, 你有冇犯罪咁簡單. 屈枉人唔係罪? 以權謀私唔係罪? 缷膊唔係罪? 擺人上枱唔係罪? 講一套做一套(即係講大話啦)唔係罪? 助紂為虐, 容讓不公平, 不公義繼續又唔係罪? 埋沒良知唔係罪? 埋沒人性唔係罪? 唔係罪?! 唔係罪. 呢啲簡直係傷害他人甚至謀殺, 如果呢啲唔係罪, 咁唔係罪囉. 學鼓佬話齋: 大話講一百次就變真話架啦. 如果你自己真係可以忘記真相係咩既話……講真, 我好多時都想打暈自己.

我地個個都唔得閒睇下自己有幾衰, 因為我地忙住去睇下其他人有幾衰, 去話人, 去批評其他人有幾衰, 我地同啲文士同法利賽人有咩分別.

唔順氣呀, 攞舊石頭去掟人啦, 日日都做架啦. 我而家都做緊.

呢個故仔另一個重點係婦人同耶穌既對話中. 你明明係一個罪人, 然後又冇人定到你罪, 等個天收你, 但係佢話你走啦, 我放過你, 你唔好再犯啦. 故事中既婦人可能真係帶住感恩返屋企, 重新做人. 但係現實中有幾多人, 個天唔收佢, 佢就沾沾自喜, 以為逃得過最後既制裁. 師主, 懸崖勒馬, 回頭是岸, 神雖然係滿有慈愛, 擺明你有罪, 佢都可以放過你, 佢有超級耐性等你返去, 但係唔代表佢容讓你利用佢既恩慈同耐性. 不要自欺, 神是輕慢不得的. (加拉太書6:7)

Confession 告白

I must confess.

I have been playing around, taking short cuts, 走精面, 耍手段去獲得我想要的一切. Avoid failure, difficulties, obstacles and  hardship. Anything that’s easy, I go. Anything that’s hard, I give up or just walk away.

我好假, inauthentic, 好要面. I pretend in front of others, with holding conversation, lie, so that I look good. 對於對我好既人, 我唔會再花心思, 對我唔夠好的, 我才會用方法吸引人注意. 對於係我身邊既人我唔在意, 覺得一切理所當然. 對我好既人我對佢地唔好, 對我唔好既人我對佢好. so that 我可以爭取最多支持.

I just do what makes me look good. For anything that make me look bad, look small and embarrassed, I will not do, no matter what the rationale behind is. Now I realize this costs me a lot, especially in relationships, i am not true to myself nor to others.

im fake, n living in a fake world create by me. coz i dun want to face failure, uglyness, lose face etc in the true world. 我唔接受醜惡, 唔接受失敗, 唔接受冇面, 所以粉飾太平, 製造假象 n stay in it. i live in illusion over illusions. no wonder i choose to work in the “fake the most” industry doing the “fake the most” thing. n no wonder i survive. coz i’m good at that. pretending, acting, making the not good look good. n what sarcastic is i keep complaining how fake and arrogance this industry is. But actually the one who has been arrogance and fake is me.

Being inauthentic is my 生存之道.

I have been pretending and inauthentic too much, that I do not even know who I am and what I want. I lost me and the real world.

Now I wonder if I have ever live alive.

I feel so pathetic. Being so inauthentic to myself and to all.  絶對是於心有愧.

Your Will

You have to fix your will, this is the most important and preliminary step. Your heart, your will, what you want, ask yourself, think about it! Others are just circumstances.

Don’t shake your will, even situation is bad, even there seems no hope, even you want to give up, even you have no confident, even other told you to do so. For there is a will, there is a way. Just keep on praying. For nothing is impossible with HIM.  Mountain and sea, stars and milky way, it’s all nothing big to him, as he creates them all. He can make impossible always possible. Yes, you cannot, I know, but he can. How big can your problem be? For he is high up in the sky ruling, all your problems are as petite as dust.

In life, sometimes, you will lost your confident, but do not lost your faith in GOD.

Keep believing, he loves us all. Although he does not work for us, but he will always prepare the best for us and be there for us.

死別

今天, 晴空萬里無雲, 是出遊的好時節. 本以為是日節目還是繼續搬家, 右腳腫腫的我一覺醒來收到的郤是噩耗. 媽媽一如既往的有點亂, 總之大意就是家裡預備了午飯, 但我現在要立即出去了, 因為他現在要用呼吸機吸氧氣, 其他阿姨都趕去了, 你, 打算……來不來? 我, 一如既往的有點呆: 嗯, 好, 我去. 心想: 主阿, 又是你安排, 難怪昨天我會弄傷腳, 然後靈修你又不斷和我說relationship and love, this is the top priority, 一切都為了今天要陪媽去經歷又一次的死別.

一邊換衣服, 一邊還在想剛才媽說的: 他們餓了他幾天了, 現在只給他氧氣, 不過他還在堅持著. 我想: 什麼? 人命是什麼? 他生命力那麼強, 為什麼你們……? 是誰決定生死? 神你不是說壓傷的蘆葦衪不折斷, 將殘的燈火衪不會吹滅? 我不明白. 不! 我其實是不接受, 所謂的善終, 人之將死原來是這樣.

走到街上, 陽光曬在我身上, 我覺得好諷刺. 一朶雲也沒有天空, 難道人生真的是這樣輕輕的來, 輕輕的去, 不帶走一片雲彩?

還是這家療養院. 還是三樓. 早陣子才來過探你, 以為你出院了就沒事, 想不到, 好像還不到個多月.

24號床邊圍了好多人, 大家微微點頭打過招呼就讓我們走到床邊, 媽先和他說: 叔, 我和阿芝來看你阿. 瘦弱的身軀, 緊閉的雙眼, 氧氣罩下只剩下兩顆牙齒的口張得好大, 拼命的一呼一吸, 堅持著生存,  生存……

媽叫我過去和叔公說兩句, 輪到我走到最前. 我看著這個掙扎著的生命, 無言, 眼淚開始流. 我沒法在這時候吐出一個字, 我想, 此時此刻, 他不能聽, 不能說, 我還可以說什麼. 我開始站在床邊祈禱. 內容只有一句: 上主求你垂憐. 這是昨天祢給我聽的歌. 收錄自一個好爸爸原聲大碟的一首詩歌: 上主求你垂憐. 全曲只有不斷重複著的兩句歌詞: 上主求你垂憐和基督求你垂憐. 當天早上我一聽到就跪下哭, 今天在這個垂死的人的床邊, 我心裡哼著同一首歌, 也在哭. 人生, 好無助, 我還可以向你求什麼?

他們說, 他真夠福氣, 有那麼多人來送他, 就是親子女也未必能夠. 大家和應著, 是呀, 爸爸(我公)和阿媽(我婆)走的時候我們都來不及送. 也是的. 97歲了. 他命很硬, 我婆婆公公都不在了, 他還在硬撐著, 代表著他們那個年代的人在存留. 說實在的, 他和我們一點血緣關係也沒有.  我們這一代叫他叔公, 他是我公的同鄉朋友. 就如我姨所說, 我公就像孟嘗君食客三千, 朋友有難都盡力接濟, 所以叔公就是其中一個. 他見証著我媽, 甚至到我這一代的成長. 大部份家族聚會總有他份兒.

我問媽: 聰呢? 媽說不知道他來不來. 面對著這個下一分鐘還不知道存不存在的人, 我不覺得還有拖延的奢侈. 我出去打了一通電話, 就這樣他趕來了. 他說: 幸好你告訴我有多嚴重, 免得我來晚了後悔. 我就知道這個和我一同長大的表弟, 無論我用什麼語氣和他說, 他總會明白我的用心, 即使有誤會, 我們之間也不會有隔夜仇.

叔公的手在動, 我們逐個走近去握他的手, 算是最後的安慰和支持. 最後, 大家陸陸續續續的到齊, 也陸陸續續和他道別. 他的手腳努力的想動起來, 回應我們最後的話別.

他的名字叫馮福, 是一位保險從業員, 也是一位民安隊員.

方大同 nothing gonna change my love for you

今早還在矇矓中，聽到電台播這首老歌：Nothing gonna change my love for you, 聽到的是God speaks. 歌詞將神對我們的愛表達得很好, 覺得這首歌簡直可以當聖詩聽, 如雅歌。歌詞可分神人對唱,  如下:

(人) If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They’ll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you

(神) Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
(人) The world may change my whole life through
But nothing’s gonna change my love for you

(人) If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
(神) I’ll be there for you if you should need me
You don’t have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I’ll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you

(合) Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing’s gonna change my love for you